


She Who Does Not Sleep

by Jahaliel



Series: The Broken and Holy Songs [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Empty AU, Gen, crossposted from tumblr, fanpoetry, poetry as fic, that is Nemo is Tired (TM) and Done (TM), the rest of the inquisition gang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-03 00:07:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14556567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jahaliel/pseuds/Jahaliel
Summary: Nemo D'Vidas (OC featured in Nemo Goes Back) is a human inquisitor who became immortal and now goes around universe travelling to be a living Fix-It.But it's been millennia and she is tired.  Tired of being alone, tired of fighting the same battles and tired of fixing things.Cross posted from my tumblr - the Empty AU.  Story is in Poem format - one poem per chapter.  This is mostly for my own personal collection but if you enjoy it I'm glad.  I have no update schedule to speak of and this will most likely become a permanent wip.





	1. Tired

she is tired this time  
pain doesn’t really register  
name goes unsaid - banter  
unspoken, except when  
it is a decision needed

and it really does feel  
like going through the motions  
the only name she gives  
is “Nemo” when pressed  
(everyone calls her Herald)

once she is in a world of red  
she looks at the mage beside her  
asks if he can keep a secret  
on his word she lets go, fire  
blooms and burns around her

it is white hot and the red lyrium  
returns to blue before melting away  
its discordant song resolved  
upon entry to the throne room  
the amulet is obtained without a fight

white flame rushes up and up  
taking the form of a dragon  
which fights alongside those  
who will die yet again for her  
she returns and feels so tired


	2. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> destruction of Haven

the last of the white fire  
purges the shadows  
from a young man who  
doesn’t deserve to die

there are a lot of questions  
like if she was with the mages  
and she was with the templars  
one of them was not

(both were - a mastery  
in simulacra and time  
magics; universes have  
bent to her whims)

but apart from the fights  
she breaks up with calm  
compassion, she remains  
quiet; emotions cannot warm her

he throws her to the ground  
close enough to set off  
the trebuchet - when he  
flies off, she stands

alone; the snows divert around  
the ruins of the town and settle  
she walks and white fire spills  
to purge the red lyrium away

to burn the fallen and release  
their souls - names she gathers  
to write in Remembrance as  
she stands mourner to the pyres

the storm blows in, finished her work  
as she leaves it is a thought and the  
snow disperses as it should have if  
not for her will, a staff in her hand

one they’ve not yet seen with  
its gem of singing gold and its  
wood of jarrah bold, she walks  
and sings lonely songs to the storm

the emptiness swirls around her  
she embraces it, does not feel  
the cold, her voice becomes  
one with the wind until she reaches them


	3. Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the way to Skyhold - a conversation with Dorian

From a not-so-casual outsider she  
Appears to receive their admiration  
As her due - standing tall among  
Them; light and hope for the  
People who are homeless

As they travel he observes  
Her mask - at once tissue-thin  
And impenetrable, no-one sees  
The way it wears on her, they  
See her smile and her kindness

She walks with a different group  
Each day - and on the final day  
Is with him as they see their new  
home, a place the Fade Expert  
calls “Skyhold”, she does not smile

“Are you alright? he asks - not sure  
If she’ll answer, and the bitterness  
In her voice, unguarded in her face  
Surprises him, and awes him a little  
That she would trust him to reveal it

“My people had a saying: those who  
do not remember history are doomed  
to repeat it. I have stood here before  
and seen the world end, I have stood  
Here before and killed one man to save a world

And yet here I am again. But I forget myself,”  
Her smile is thin and rueful, “You are easy  
To talk to of things perhaps better left unsaid.  
They will never see me for who I am. Perhaps  
In time you will be the one who can.”

He gives her a faint smile, her honesty  
Prompts the same in him “Do you know  
What the meaning of Nemo is, Herald?”  
“Yes. If it eases you, I chose it for myself.”  
“It does not ease me, but we are being left behind.”

For the first time her laugh rings out  
A joyful sound that echoes of the stone  
“Mages are never late nor early, we  
Arrive precisely when we mean too.”  
“Another saying of your people?”

“Written by a great man, one I  
admired for his ability to write.”  
Together they walk on subsumed  
Into the press of people as the  
Next chapter of the story begins


	4. Liars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidequest action time

The wolf in sheep’s clothing  
Talks magic and politics with  
A woman whom he’s never seen  
In the Fade - they wear masks  
But when his friend is in danger  
She drops everything, and risks  
Her own life to save Wisdom - and  
Does, with a spell whispered low  
And counts little the cost, as she  
Leaves them to talk she tells him  
In a language he didn’t knew she spoke  
“We are not enemies. I pray we will  
Never be, but all people are people.”

The man with a name not his own  
Is sitting and carving in his corner  
When she comes and sits and smiles  
Did you know that a trained healer mage  
Can sense the blight within a Warden  
She asks - when he looks at her in fear  
Her smile is calm, reassuring and she  
Tells him that evil is a choice and he  
Is choosing otherwise, whispering words  
Of a pathway forward so that Thom Rainer  
Is a Warden - and his double freed

The spy with one eye and a rowdy  
Humour has pegged some parts of  
The herald but she stills eludes him,  
A warrior fierce with the hands of a healer  
He remembers, standing on a rainy hill,  
How when they first joined up she had  
Taken him aside and told him in halting  
Qunlat that she would never make his  
Choices for him, that freedom was in  
The choice and in the acceptance of  
Consequences. He breathes in, out  
And sounds the retreat.


	5. Crumbling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more Sidequest Action

It is never enough  
a vial of hope;  
of crafted years,  
for if (when) the  
heart delicately  
preserved fails

It is never enough  
purifying fire  
cannot heal these  
wounds, and she  
bears witness to  
the Maker’s mercy

It is never enough  
the little people  
Suffer for a noble’s ploy  
And all you can do is  
Soothe and smooth so  
That no-one dies

And even more it is never enough  
Bleeding out and running out of time  
Marching forward into the shifting sands


	6. Adamant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into the Fade at Adamant (timeline wise I shifted this to be before Halamshiral)

A bloody war - a bloody dragon  
Falling fast into the Fade - moment  
Unchangeable; for the first time Nemo  
stands in the green light of the Fade  
as her companions gather around a  
Spirit walks to them, with a familiar face

“Compassion,” she names them “why  
Are you here, and with the face of my  
Vhenan?” In response the one called  
Compassion tells her “you never wear it  
they made it for you, you love them but  
you never wear it - would you now?”

The spirit holds up a crown of light  
that Nemo kneels to accept, when  
it touches her brow it shifts, changing

(several different shades of metal  
flow seamlessly from pattern to pattern  
curved and elegant, with hidden meanings  
creativity, wisdom, change, tradition,  
belief, remembrance, balance, sacrifice  
harmony, possibility - energy and void  
all moving together, shifting into each other  
and from some of the delicate curves drip  
clear stones held in simple gold - opals  
decorate the patterns and a single large  
teardrop a deep purple-blue-black at its center)

The resolution of the diadem is a  
Clarion call - and she straightens  
Standing tall, accepting who she was, and is

She is the Empress, the Lady  
with words in her hands that  
could save or damn the world  
who walks without fear in the Fade  
purifying flames form her armour  
the diadem shines like the stars

They walk on, as Compassion leaves  
them - too valuable a presence to risk  
In Nightmare’s domain, and oh how they  
have questions and Nemo gives many  
non-answers but for talk of her beloved,  
Her she speaks of with fondness and truth

She gathers up memories she does not need  
Turns her companions from the graveyard  
Without stepping foot among the stones  
And to counter the Nightmare’s voice she  
Draws a sword - not the one from her side  
But from a sheath on her back they cannot see

And its song fills the Fade, sends fearlings  
Fleeing before it - light seems to dance in  
Her footsteps and even the Wolf is amazed  
At how much she fits into his realm, when  
They come face to face with the Nightmare  
She opens the rift and tells them all to leave

Alistair and Hawke remain - they are debating  
Over who will sacrifice themselves, only to look  
Up and see Nemo walking to the Nightmare a  
Song on her lips in harmony with the sword that  
Diminishes him until she stands the taller and  
Speaks words they cannot understand

_(Do you know what song my blade sings_  
It sings of the first death it tasted, of the  
Ending of suffering and the vengeance paid  
Why do you not fear me - you with nightmares  
Innumerable, I should flay the skin from your bones  
But I have lived my nightmares and live with them  
You have no power over me, but here and now  
I offer you a choice, more than I offered him -  
A chance for the ending to be a new beginning  
Rather than complete dissolution, seeds left to  
Plant once more in the Fade to one day grow) 

She draws her other sword and before the men  
Can reach her, she swings them both - and the  
Demon falls still and silent, dissolving into motes  
A wind picks up and disperses them, as she sings  
On, a lament, farewell and hope for the future  
Together the three of them leave the Fade

When she emerges she has one sword,  
No fire covers her, no diadem adorns her  
And yet the ones with her remember and wonder


	7. Awaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nemo and Solas have a little chat

wake up - no, not waking up,  
opening eyes; to a world of green  
tinged beauty - a field of small  
white flowers surround you  
you wonder why it is you’re here

a wolf comes stalking out of  
the shadows, six red eyes focus  
on you - but you’ve never been  
prey and stand firm, asking him  
in that old tongue why you’re here

when you have protections carefully  
crafted that prevent you from dreaming  
that your sleep is untroubled by spirits  
(and so that you can avoid the wolf  
pacing in front of you back and forth)

if a wolf could smirk he would be  
as he talks on how he had a spy  
place a special blend of herbs  
in the fire of your campsite -  
a half truth, he himself did it

But you do not fear this immortal  
Once you had thought you loved him  
\- so you craft yourself a comfy chair  
and sit down “Ask your questions then  
I presume that is why I am here”

He is startled by your indifference  
but though the fires have begun to burn  
within you once more, for him you have  
naught but a tired empty heart - he  
asks his first question “do you know who I am”

Fen-Harel. It is a short answer,  
bitten off - a bitterness lingers  
on your tongue as you speak it  
after all if not for his counterpart  
you’d not be yet again trying to save a world

Before the wolf can speak again  
You give his other name, Pride,  
and not even the millennia lived can  
rob the hurt from how you shape  
it in your mouth, the ache of betrayal when you speak it

That shocks him; suddenly he is elven  
Again, sitting on a chair opposite yours  
“You know, and yet you have done nothing”  
“I meant what I said when I left you and  
Wisdom behind - we do not have to be enemies.”

“But you think we will be”  
What can you do in answer but nod  
“I believe all people are people  
Worthy of the chance to live and  
Love - and they will die for your plan”

His power is greatest in the Fade  
but you hold a large amount of it in your palm  
“Where do we go from here?” you ask,  
“I don’t know.” "Then stay a while  
and see if you can see what I see.“

"And if I don’t?” he challenges as  
The world begins to dissolve around them  
“Then we will find ourselves on opposite  
Sides of a war that we don’t need to fight.”  
His response, if one was made, was lost

You wake with a headache, the stench  
Of herbs lingers over smoking embers, summon  
wind to sweep it all away, relights the  
fire and begins to make breakfast for  
the team - as is your wont these days

When he emerges from his tent, nervousness is  
quickly pushed behind his never-failing mask  
and you smile at him - reassurance, you’re  
friends - it doesn’t matter that you  
finished your discussion at odds, reluctantly

he smiles back.


	8. Borealis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is literally a poem about the dress/outfit Nemo wears to Halamshiral. Perfectly Skippable.

this is a dress they’ve never seen  
every step causes the lights to shift  
green and blue and purple, like oil on water  
ink spreading across smoke, on a backdrop  
of midnight covered in stars that are  
moving - slowly but inexorably through  
the patterns of home as the aurora flares  
with her steps; she wears the diadem, its  
clear teardrops hang down and frame her  
eyes - as close to a mask as she will don  
a clever belt of woven silver adorns her hips  
\- it allows a quick removal of the long skirt  
whose train trails behind her (but can be  
caught up for dancing, the loop summoned)  
under the skirt the dress comes down over her thighs  
still, split sides for freedom, tight black leather  
pants tucked neatly into to enchanted boots  
(running in heels is hell, this avoids it)  
and her bracer - as fine and intricate a  
piece of jewellery seen in a hundred courts  
turns her right arm to shifting silver  
and gold - hints of dragon scales and flames  
in the filigree, within it sits a shrunken staff  
appearing as part of the pattern, unless she  
should have need of her favoured weapon  
it’s golden crystal seems to give off light  
reflecting in the movement of the metal  
her hair is half up in a long braid and  
half loose in brown waves - held back by  
twinkling hairpins (the blue are magic piercing  
the red create wounds slow to heal, the purple  
are for the freedom of spirits as are the green  
and the white, most dominant are simply sharp)  
as she sits down at the mirror to do her makeup  
the shifting colours reflect in her eyes


	9. Embers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halamshiral time :)
> 
> Last chapter for now. I have no update schedule to speak of - if I get inspired I'll be back with more, if not this is where it ends.

She looks into the mirror  
Ash-dark eyes, still so tired  
but the song plays on  
she’s going to stand up  
walk through the fires  
after this, she promises  
herself it’s vacation time  
somewhere far from troubled worlds

she applies her lipgloss, dark blue  
shimmering in the light of the room  
and when her lips curve embers spark  
time to let the show begin, she reaches  
up and her touch reveals the diadem  
“not hiding anymore,” the door closes behind her

Josie is pacing, worried, for none had seen  
the Inquisitors dress - she had been quite  
stern about that and Cassandra offers quiet  
reassurance, because even now she believes  
that Nemo is their leader for a reason, and  
a soft noise causes the party to look to  
the stairs as she decends, midnight lips  
curve as Nemo witnesses them struck speechless

They are pulled along in her wake, moving  
into orbit as she sheds the shields keeping  
herself hidden, now she commands the room  
and only two people of all the nobles who  
will admire her dress have any idea what  
it cost - for it is one made by a family  
in Elvhenan long ago, a gift for what she  
had done (she would have done the same  
regardless but these were family to her  
so she takes it with grace)

No-one can take their eyes off of her  
the way the gown moves when she dances  
and the scandal of the shorter form  
she returns in after a brief battle  
(Nemo knows which of the nobles are  
Looking at her legs and well if she  
shamelessly flirts and dances to  
get more donations that they can  
use to help the suffering and wounded  
she will dance all night)

As to who rules at the end of the ball  
She tells them to do it together or  
not at all - either way they will fall  
or stand on their own, she is done with  
the backstabbing pettiness, she is  
noble and not, she is always seeking  
the balance because its hard to  
be human and old and tired  
when the orchestra plays  
a final song though  
she dances


	10. Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Temple of Mythal/Well of Sorrows

she blazes with light  
they flock to her banner  
they long to serve her  
cause, to fight her war

burning brightly  
she knows she’ll fall  
but for now the trade  
of life for power is worth it

they march through the forest  
seeking out a Temple - she stands  
there; no petitioner, nor interloper  
she sings in an old old tongue

the way opens before her  
and walls of flame spring up  
in her wake to hinder the enemy  
she walks the halls of a goddess

without fear

at the well she takes no insult  
nor binds herself to another’s whim  
she would not bow to Mythal when  
she was Evanuris; she will not now

she makes to destroy the Sorrows  
knows that Morrigan will take it regardless  
when the Sentinels leave she bids  
them farewell in their own language

it does not occur to her to ask them  
to stay and fight, she understands  
what it is to have lived through the  
death of the world you knew

when he comes she burns again  
her white fire casting down red lyrium  
as the others run through the Eluvian  
she faces him down with a smirk

her magic shatters it with her on the  
opposite side to her companions  
they are afraid for her but from  
the ruins of the Temple, a dragon

flies free


End file.
